Mygournal Sandwich Shop

Historically, sandwiches have been linked with athletes since the beginning of time. From Lawrence Taylor’s B.L.T. to the Reuben (invented by running back Reuben Droughns), athletically-named sandwiches have been a staple in the diets of American citizens. Here at the Mygournal Sandwich Shop, we have created some fictional and not so fictional sandwiches for the viewing and tasting public. Enjoy, but eat with care.

The Jake Delhommewich – A delicious sandwich with aged meats and cheeses, but the only problem is it’s expensive. It costs $42.50 and when you order it, it will most likely be given to someone at a different table.

The Ben Roethlisberger Burger – The burger will undoubtedly make you fatter and grow a chinstrap beard. It tastes like you’re eating concrete after you fell off a motorcycle. Not a recommended sandwich.

The Matt Leinhart Black Bean Sandwich – This sandwich is full of beans and so is Matt Leinhart.

The JaMarcus Russell  Roast Beef Sandwich- The picture on the menu makes this sandwich look like it is a top choice sandwich, but once you taste it, you will instantly regret ordering it. An expensive sandwich that tastes exactly like shit.

The Joe Namath Kebab- A great snack after a night or day of binge drinking. This old time favorite also really hits the spot after sexually harassing young women. Order this street meat and win, I guarantee it.

The Eli Manning Turkey Sandwich- Not the best sandwich in the world but can often be the best sandwich on the menu. Sometimes it comes out great but most of the time you can barely take a bite. If the Peyton Manning Ham sandwich is available, it is advisable to order it instead.

The Vince Young Chicken Salad Sandwich- This is a great sandwich when your on the run. If you’re not in a rush or have a normal I.Q. then this sandwich isn’t for you. It is imporant to note that the Vince Young is made from bread then has a tendency to crumble with pressure is applied, so eat it with great care.

The Tim Tebow Club Sandwich- Best sandwich on the planet. You couldn’t fit any more meat in between two pieces of white bread. I’d bet Tebow’s Christian faith that this sandwich will make you praise the lord for creating such a fantastic blend of meat and bread.

The Philly Vick-Steak – A delicious blend of Provolone cheese and lean dog meat.

The Mark Sanchez Breakfast Burrito – You would think this sandwich is authentic mexican food when ordering it, but the meat is actually just good old American Hot Dog mixed with scrambled eggs, because sometimes Sanchez has egg on his face from his rookie mistakes.

The Brett Favre Ham and Cheese – The meat in this sandwich went rotten a long time ago, but people still seem to order it. This is definitely the most polarized sandwich, as people either love it or hate it, but eating it will undoubtedly make you sick eventually.

The Brady Quinn American Cheese Sandwich – All American like Brady Quinn, and all cheese like Brady Quinn. All this guy does is smile for the camera, and like Quinn, the sandwich never gets ordered. Well, Brady loves the sandwich, but no one else seems to.

JaMarcus Russell

Goodbye Gator Nation

Dear fans,

Tim Tebow here, it’s been a long and crazy journey, hasn’t it? Time flew by, but we sure had a lot of fun. First and foremost, I want to apologize for the 6 losses and 16 interceptions in my career. I made a  promise to my fans earlier in my career, so I’m going to leave you with a little farewell promise. NO ONE will be better than me, NO ONE will try harder than me, NO ONE will have more chiseled features than me, NO ONE will worship god like me, and NO ONE will ever be stronger and break more tackles than me. THAT’S A TIM TEBOW GUARANTEE. So now my fans, I leave you with a video that my mom and dad made me for christmas. It includes my favorite college moments, and some surprise cameos by my favorite celebrities. I hope you enjoy, GOD BLESS.

-Tim Tebow

CGIF

When the critically acclaimed Avatar hit theaters at midnight on Thursday, the CGI (computer-generated imagery) world was set aflame like the forests of the blue aliens that occupy this beautiful world. Many people claim that the amazing world that James Cameron has created will change the cinema industry forever, but to me, there have been greater benchmarks in the CGIndustry that have already happened. This list compiles some of the most amazing CGIn films.

1. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (2008)

“I hate Mummies!” Until I saw this film. The CGI in this film really was legendary. Director Rob Cohen CGI’d Brendan Fraser in the entire movie, but no one even noticed. They noticed that he was more sarcastic and witty than any of his films since Bedazzled, but they didn’t notice that he wore a green suit for the entire movie. Cohen said, “Fraser had been complaining about all of the costume changes and the real danger that he went through in chasing mummies in the first two films (where they didn’t use and CGI). I thought we could take this franchise to a whole new level by using a CGBF (Computer Generated Brendan Fraser).” Some say that Cohen’s genius in creating a CGBF for the Mummy 3 inspired Cameron to make Avatar.

CGI Fraser

CGI-less Fraser

2. Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Bigger, Smarter, Faster, Meaner. That’s the tag-line for this blockbuster hit, but no one thought it would encompass this film the way it did.

Bigger – This film has the biggest shark to ever hit the screen, it makes Jaws look like little Nemo.

Smarter – The writers of this film, Duncan Kennedy and the Powers team (Donna and Wayne), could not have created a smarter script for the who’s who of Hollywood stars in this film.

Faster – The film was made in 3 weeks, the fastest major motion picture in history.

Meaner – The CGI’d shark in the film was really, really mean. Probably meaner than any other ocean-dwelling actor since Ursula from the Little Mermaid.

3. Bicentennial Man (1999)

1999 was an amazing year for films, but none were better than the Android Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man. If you ever wondered what Robin Williams looked like as a woman, Ms. Doubtfire was your film, but if you’re like me and you wondered what he’d look like as a robot, this movie was for you. It was the first movie created that used robotics in Robin Williams form, and it also introduced robot bigotry. Everyone hated robots after this movie was made. It was a huge step backwards in the progress of robots in society, especially since Short Circuit was created. It took the movie Artificial Intelligence, starring Haley Joel Osment as a boy robot, to bring the robot rights movement back to prominence.

Bicentennial Man

4. Roland Emmerich – Any film he’s done

Emmerich is the master of CGD (computer generated destruction) with films like 2012, 10,000 B.C., The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla (the Matthew Broderick one), and Independence Day. These high grossing films have made trillions of dollars, but none had the CGQ (computer generated quality) of Universal Soldier, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren.

5.The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Finally, the greatest CG-Creation. Most would not guess but the film The Whole Nine Yards, starring Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry, is entirely computer generated. The comedy may be real, but the visual effects are so stunning, that not one person can tell it isn’t real acting. The reason it was done by computers is because Matthew Perry is a CGP (Computer Generated Person), meaning, he isn’t real. All of his acting is CGI and the voice acting is done by little known actor Scot Darlymple. It’s still the biggest secret in Hollywood.

Tim Tebaby

If you consider yourself a college football fan, you were watching the Alabama – Florida game for the SEC championship. No one could’ve asked for a better football game, but that’s not what most people remember. The image of the great Tim Tebow, kneeling on the sideline, overcome with emotion and in tears on national television is what everyone remembers. The image has made this formidable man-beast the laughingstock of football and sports. A man who puts everything on the line one day a week for a couple of months each year is now being called a “baby”  and a “girl”. Sports analysts and bloggers all over the country mock Tebow from the safety of their computers, but little do they know the truth behind the watery eyes of God’s second son.

1) Tim Tebow, trying to pump himself up before the game, decided to pop in an inspiring DVD to make himself even more of an insurmountable foe. He searched the whole stadium for something, but the only DVD available in the entire facility was “Cool Runnings”, the heartwarming story about a ragtag group of Jamaican sprinters (and an eccentric pushcart driver) who make it to the Olympics under the guidance of an American bobsledding castaway (played by comedian John Candy). This Disney classic has made millions of viewers break down to tears, and not even the great Florida quarterback could resist for long. After seeing the Jamaicans cross the finish line with the bobsled on their back, Tim could not hold his emotion back.

2) someone had been messing with Tim’s I-Pod, switching from his “Pre-Game Pump” mix to his  “Super Sad Songs” playlist.  Some of these songs my have been included.

• Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
• Epiphany by Staind
• Everybody Hurts by R.E.M
• Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
• Brick by Ben Folds Five
• The Graduation Song by Vitamin C
• Here’s to the Night by Eve 6
• The Freshmen by the Verve Pipe

With the sad sounds of Vitamin C and Eve 6 drowning Tebow in sorrow all game, it was nearly impossible for him to focus on passing the ball, let alone keeping his composure on the sidelines.  Tebow was an emotional train wreck waiting to happen.

3) In addition to this, some minor events happened throughout the course of the game.

• Someone was cutting an onion on the Florida Bench
• A bug had flown into Tim’s eye
• In a High-5 that went horribly wrong, he got smacked in the family jewels.
• He found out the Raiders had him number one on their draft list
• Someone told Tebow that wrestling is fake
• Tim over heard that his girlfriend wants a breast reduction

4) The final straw for Tebow came near the end of the fourth quarter. Some rude Alabama fans behind the Gators bench decided it would be funny to yell at Tebow that Santa Claus isn’t real. Tim is grown up, but one thing that has never left him is his Christmas spirit. When he heard these words (that he’d been secretly thinking for the past 2 years) he just lost it. This year for Christmas, Tebow had asked for a plane ticket to the Congo so he could spread Christmas cheer and help poor, needy children on the other side of the world. A so-called harmless joke not only ruined the game and Tebow’s Christmas, but the welfare of many African children.

I want you to put yourself in Tim Tebow’s shoes. Do you think, after all of these horrible events, that you could keep yourself from crying? Don’t lie to yourself because you know the answer is no.

The State of USA Soccer

Today I watched the USA soccer game versus Brazil. I am appalled by the results and even more by the coaching and performances of some of the players. Bob Bradley is a bad coach. He has no idea what he’s doing out there, and hasn’t learned from any of his mistakes. He’s been starting and giving significant minutes to DeMarcus Beasley for the past year, and Beasley has been horrible. He’s a liability on defense, and he never does anything on offense anymore either. Bradley needs to stop playing favorites and try something new, because I’m getting tired of watching this played-out story. We’re always so close to winning, but almost doesn’t count unless it’s horseshoes and hand grenades. Bradley needs to shape up or he will find himself coaching the Chicago Fire soon. 

We have all the players to succeed, thats why its so angering to watch this team keep getting mediocre results. Adu should be playing all the time, bring back some of the young players and give them a chance because all of Bradley’s and Arenas’ “Old Guard” have never performed and are still failing. It’s time to make the changes, and number one is getting rid of Bob Bradley and getting a real coach.