This will be our first of many political correspondences. Please Check back often for the cutting edge in politics.
With the announcement of Hilary Clinton as secretary of state the race for the New York Senate seat is heating up. In this section we’ll exam four candidates.
Caroline Kennedy – As a high profile woman is the today’s political climate the real question is when not how. When is she going to break through that glass ceiling with that large forehead? Fellow superwomen Hilary “Hill Dog” Clinton would love to pass the torch to another women. The name Kennedy means more in the world of politics than hanging-chad, pork barreling, and filibuster combined. This means princess Kennedy has massive piggy bank, powerful friends, and a number of unknown brother and sisters from her daddy’s womanizing. Kennedy is the perfect candidate for single middle age liberal women or drunkin frat boys at Red Sox games.
Fran Drescher – When you think of New York, you think of two things; Pizza and Fran Drescher. And the movie Gangs of New York. Francine Drescher takes her sassy, “i’m not gonna take any crap from you” attitude and tremendous political experience from her acting in movies and tv shows such as the Nanny, Night Court, the Beautician and the Beast, and Law and Order to the big stage for real this time. What she lacks in actual governmental experience, she makes up for with sex appeal and charm. She is easily 10 times hotter than Hilary Clinton. Imagine two things, Fran Drescher fillibustering a bill for 5 straight hours. Peoples heads will explode. I want you to also picture 50 old men getting a boner in the senate at the same time when she comes up on stage. Votes will always be in her favor, this is an obvious plus for the state of New York.
Charles Baker – An obvious candidate with his immense success on the local level in Yonkers, New York. While he is a true conservative, he really knows how to stir things up, with all the reforms he made in Yonkers, a real man of action. He is also known for his community work and strong religious beliefs. He is a family man, with 5 children and a wife, Linda Baker-Allen. He is running on the slogan “Charles in Charge” and “If you mess with Chuck, you’ve run out of luck.” The second slogan comes from his experience dealing with gang related crime in Yonkers, the first from his 2nd favorite tv show, Charles in Charge.
Andrew Cuomo -Andrew is the bi-product of the other candidates. He doesn’t have a nice rack or classic New York voice like Fran. His papa, an Ex New York state Governor, is not nearly as famous as Kennedy. Hell at one point was even married to a Kennedy. He doesn’t even have a TV sitcom catch phrase like chuck. So Whoop-Dee-Do you’re the only candidate with experience, good luck. Some ad-vice I might give Mr. Cuomo, change you name to Hillary Duff.