Tim Tebow: God’s Real Son

Hello my colleague and I will be posting on this internet site. We are not professionals in blogging but we are professionals in storytelling and all our stories are non-fictional, meaning real for those of you who are not literaturally inclined.Timmy

This first story is about a boy who has become a man in front of our very eyes. His name is Timothy Andrew Tebow. Let’s just say, if I could have a son-in-law, he would look exactly like Tim Tebow. If I could have a son, he would be as honorable as Tim Tebow. If I could have a daughter, he would be as chaste as Tim Tebow. This leads me to the main topic of today, Tim Tebow.

Reasons why I want to have Tim Tebow as my son or daughter:

1. Handsome. Tim Tebow is handsome. Thats all there is to it. When he looks in a mirror, it melts, because mirrors look like ice and ice melts when it is hot. Tim Tebow is so hot that he can melt mirrors.

2. Running. Tim Tebow is so good at running, he could run for president and he would probably win. This leads me to an interesting fact about Tim Tebow. He is great outside the pocket, everyone knows that. BUT, it is a little known fact that Tim Tebow doesn’t wear pants with pockets. If that isn’t irony then I don’t know what is.

3. Charismatic. Tim Tebow is charismatic. Did anyone see his speech last year when he won the Heisman trophy? I didn’t, but Tim is like King Midas. Everything he touches turns into gold, car parts, and Heisman trophies, and Percy Harvin. Think about it, he walks into the room, touches the lamp, the lamp turns into car parts. All of the sudden, your dodge caravan has a new exhaust system, and your own son did it free of charge.

4. Ticklish. You wouldn’t know it by looking at Tim Tebow, but he is really ticklish. There’s nothing cuter than a kid getting tickled by a full grown man, except for a full grown man tickling or getting tickled by Tim Tebow. Imagine that.

5. Ice Cream. Tim Tebow hates ice cream. Most kids love ice cream, so imagine if you had a kid that hated it. You would save thousands of dollars just on chocolate ice cream alone, I cant even begin to calculate the money you would save from vanilla-based ice creams.

6. Childbirth. Tim Tebow was born on the same day as Alexander Graham Bell, aka “Alexander the Great” , aka Mr. Boost Mobile. If you didn’t know that, then you also probably didn’t know that Tim Tebow loves Josh Groban, which is kinda weird because he dislikes almost every Josh Harnett movie, except for 28 days later. (Tim thinks Josh Harnett is in 28 days later, but I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise)

7. Polite. Tim Tebow is polite. He says thank you after everything, he washes the dishes, he sets the table, he’s always early, and he’ll always help a friend when he’s down…except for one time when he ran over his 4th best friend, middle linebacker Jerry Franklin of the Arkansas Razorbacks. He apologized right after the play though.

8. Chores. Has anyone ever seen Tim Tebow mow a lawn? Not unless you’re from Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida (or occasionally Durbin and Twentymile) If you haven’t I suggest you find out.

9. Jewelry. This applies mostly for daughters, but if your daughter was Tim Tebow, you wouldn’t ever have to buy her jewelry. Tim just isn’t a really big fan of it.

10.  This haiku describes Tim Tebow to a T, pun intended. It is entitled “gameday”

Thousands cheer
Just one man
Tim Tebow


2 responses to “Tim Tebow: God’s Real Son

  1. Hey Timmy, its Uncle Joe. Remember if you keep up the hard work, someday you can turn out just like me, a washed up football star with a drinking problem.

  2. Funniest Tebow article I have read!

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