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Goodbye Gator Nation

Dear fans,

Tim Tebow here, it’s been a long and crazy journey, hasn’t it? Time flew by, but we sure had a lot of fun. First and foremost, I want to apologize for the 6 losses and 16 interceptions in my career. I made a  promise to my fans earlier in my career, so I’m going to leave you with a little farewell promise. NO ONE will be better than me, NO ONE will try harder than me, NO ONE will have more chiseled features than me, NO ONE will worship god like me, and NO ONE will ever be stronger and break more tackles than me. THAT’S A TIM TEBOW GUARANTEE. So now my fans, I leave you with a video that my mom and dad made me for christmas. It includes my favorite college moments, and some surprise cameos by my favorite celebrities. I hope you enjoy, GOD BLESS.

-Tim Tebow


Tim Tebaby

If you consider yourself a college football fan, you were watching the Alabama – Florida game for the SEC championship. No one could’ve asked for a better football game, but that’s not what most people remember. The image of the great Tim Tebow, kneeling on the sideline, overcome with emotion and in tears on national television is what everyone remembers. The image has made this formidable man-beast the laughingstock of football and sports. A man who puts everything on the line one day a week for a couple of months each year is now being called a “baby”  and a “girl”. Sports analysts and bloggers all over the country mock Tebow from the safety of their computers, but little do they know the truth behind the watery eyes of God’s second son.

1) Tim Tebow, trying to pump himself up before the game, decided to pop in an inspiring DVD to make himself even more of an insurmountable foe. He searched the whole stadium for something, but the only DVD available in the entire facility was “Cool Runnings”, the heartwarming story about a ragtag group of Jamaican sprinters (and an eccentric pushcart driver) who make it to the Olympics under the guidance of an American bobsledding castaway (played by comedian John Candy). This Disney classic has made millions of viewers break down to tears, and not even the great Florida quarterback could resist for long. After seeing the Jamaicans cross the finish line with the bobsled on their back, Tim could not hold his emotion back.

2) someone had been messing with Tim’s I-Pod, switching from his “Pre-Game Pump” mix to his  “Super Sad Songs” playlist.  Some of these songs my have been included.

  • Beautiful by Christina Aguilera
  • Epiphany by Staind
  • Everybody Hurts by R.E.M
  • Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls
  • Brick by Ben Folds Five
  • The Graduation Song by Vitamin C
  • Here’s to the Night by Eve 6
  • The Freshmen by the Verve Pipe

With the sad sounds of Vitamin C and Eve 6 drowning Tebow in sorrow all game, it was nearly impossible for him to focus on passing the ball, let alone keeping his composure on the sidelines.  Tebow was an emotional train wreck waiting to happen.

3) In addition to this, some minor events happened throughout the course of the game.

  • Someone was cutting an onion on the Florida Bench
  • A bug had flown into Tim’s eye
  • In a High-5 that went horribly wrong, he got smacked in the family jewels.
  • He found out the Raiders had him number one on their draft list
  • Someone told Tebow that wrestling is fake
  • Tim over heard that his girlfriend wants a breast reduction

4) The final straw for Tebow came near the end of the fourth quarter. Some rude Alabama fans behind the Gators bench decided it would be funny to yell at Tebow that Santa Claus isn’t real. Tim is grown up, but one thing that has never left him is his Christmas spirit. When he heard these words (that he’d been secretly thinking for the past 2 years) he just lost it. This year for Christmas, Tebow had asked for a plane ticket to the Congo so he could spread Christmas cheer and help poor, needy children on the other side of the world. A so-called harmless joke not only ruined the game and Tebow’s Christmas, but the welfare of many African children.

I want you to put yourself in Tim Tebow’s shoes. Do you think, after all of these horrible events, that you could keep yourself from crying? Don’t lie to yourself because you know the answer is no.

My Superbowl picks, by Tim Tebow

Hey guys it’s me, Tim Tebow. Before I write this article I just wanna say thanks to the guys from MyGournal for letting me write this article. I’ve been reading their blog and I gotta say, it’s one of the best. Anyways, lets get down to some BIZNESS. 

I’ve gotta say, I’m super pumped about this matchup for Superbowl XLIII (43 for those non-romans, LOL). It’s the red-hot ( Double pun! ;^) ) Arizona Cardinals versus the Pittsburgh Steelers. I can’t wait for the day when I’m out there leading whatever team God chooses me to lead to the the championship. You guys just wait, it won’t be long! But this article isn’t about me, its about two teams that worked really hard to get where they are today. First, I wanna talk a little bit about each team. 

The Arizona Cardinals are probably the hottest team in the NFL right now. I can tell you, I wouldn’t mind passing some balls to Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Bolden! They run an exciting offense, nothing like Coach Meyer’s Spread offense, but it’d be fun to be a QB for Arizona, and I know Kurt Warner has all the right stuff. He’s a vet and he knows how to win, I just hope God allows me to play for as long as Kurt has, and be as successful, cuz I have no doubt in my mind that Kurt is going to Canton, Ohio after he retires. I’d say there’s only 1 weakness for those Cards, too many FSU and Miami players on their team! LOL JK! For real though, they might rely too much on the pass, and their D can be a little shaky from time to time, but I wouldn’t be surprised at all if they came up big against the Steelers. 

Secondly, the Pittsburgh Steelers are a great team. They’ve got a hard-nosed team that isn’t gonna let the Cards walk all over them. They handle their business game in and game out, and to be honest, its gonna be one tough egg for Kurt Warner to crack, if you know what I mean. They play like a team should, and they got the guys like Ben Roethlisberger and Hines Ward to lead them to the promise land. They might not be exciting like the Cardinals, but if they know one thing, it’s how to win. Also, they have more players from Florida on their team (My boy MAD MAX, Max Starks). I talked to him the other day, and he was real confident. I wished him luck and told him I’ll be cheering for him. 

Me, I really think the Steelers are gonna win, no offense to the Cards! The Steelers have the experience, since they won before, and I think their team chemistry is gonna help them a lot. They’re practically a family! Almost as good as mine! (JK Mom!)Honestly though, I just hope God gives us an enteraining, injury-free game that we can remember forever. I’m gonna be watching this game with my buds, eating some chips and drinking my favorite drink, yellow Gatorade. Coach Meyer said he’d race against Percy if the Cardinals won, so I kinda hope it happens! We’ll see though. 

Alright all you guys in blog-ville. Its been fun, I hope you have a safe weekend, please be safe on Superbowl Sunday, but be sure to have fun too! Look out for me next year! I’m gonna be takin’ a big gator chomp out of college football next year! See you soon, God bless. 


Tim Tebow: God’s Real Son

Hello my colleague and I will be posting on this internet site. We are not professionals in blogging but we are professionals in storytelling and all our stories are non-fictional, meaning real for those of you who are not literaturally inclined.Timmy

This first story is about a boy who has become a man in front of our very eyes. His name is Timothy Andrew Tebow. Let’s just say, if I could have a son-in-law, he would look exactly like Tim Tebow. If I could have a son, he would be as honorable as Tim Tebow. If I could have a daughter, he would be as chaste as Tim Tebow. This leads me to the main topic of today, Tim Tebow.

Reasons why I want to have Tim Tebow as my son or daughter:

1. Handsome. Tim Tebow is handsome. Thats all there is to it. When he looks in a mirror, it melts, because mirrors look like ice and ice melts when it is hot. Tim Tebow is so hot that he can melt mirrors.

2. Running. Tim Tebow is so good at running, he could run for president and he would probably win. This leads me to an interesting fact about Tim Tebow. He is great outside the pocket, everyone knows that. BUT, it is a little known fact that Tim Tebow doesn’t wear pants with pockets. If that isn’t irony then I don’t know what is.

3. Charismatic. Tim Tebow is charismatic. Did anyone see his speech last year when he won the Heisman trophy? I didn’t, but Tim is like King Midas. Everything he touches turns into gold, car parts, and Heisman trophies, and Percy Harvin. Think about it, he walks into the room, touches the lamp, the lamp turns into car parts. All of the sudden, your dodge caravan has a new exhaust system, and your own son did it free of charge.

4. Ticklish. You wouldn’t know it by looking at Tim Tebow, but he is really ticklish. There’s nothing cuter than a kid getting tickled by a full grown man, except for a full grown man tickling or getting tickled by Tim Tebow. Imagine that.

5. Ice Cream. Tim Tebow hates ice cream. Most kids love ice cream, so imagine if you had a kid that hated it. You would save thousands of dollars just on chocolate ice cream alone, I cant even begin to calculate the money you would save from vanilla-based ice creams.

6. Childbirth. Tim Tebow was born on the same day as Alexander Graham Bell, aka “Alexander the Great” , aka Mr. Boost Mobile. If you didn’t know that, then you also probably didn’t know that Tim Tebow loves Josh Groban, which is kinda weird because he dislikes almost every Josh Harnett movie, except for 28 days later. (Tim thinks Josh Harnett is in 28 days later, but I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise)

7. Polite. Tim Tebow is polite. He says thank you after everything, he washes the dishes, he sets the table, he’s always early, and he’ll always help a friend when he’s down…except for one time when he ran over his 4th best friend, middle linebacker Jerry Franklin of the Arkansas Razorbacks. He apologized right after the play though.

8. Chores. Has anyone ever seen Tim Tebow mow a lawn? Not unless you’re from Ponte Vedra Beach, Florida (or occasionally Durbin and Twentymile) If you haven’t I suggest you find out.

9. Jewelry. This applies mostly for daughters, but if your daughter was Tim Tebow, you wouldn’t ever have to buy her jewelry. Tim just isn’t a really big fan of it.

10.  This haiku describes Tim Tebow to a T, pun intended. It is entitled “gameday”

Thousands cheer
Just one man
Tim Tebow