Tag Archives: nfl

Mygournal Sandwich Shop

Historically, sandwiches have been linked with athletes since the beginning of time. From Lawrence Taylor’s B.L.T. to the Reuben (invented by running back Reuben Droughns), athletically-named sandwiches have been a staple in the diets of American citizens. Here at the Mygournal Sandwich Shop, we have created some fictional and not so fictional sandwiches for the viewing and tasting public. Enjoy, but eat with care.

The Jake Delhommewich – A delicious sandwich with aged meats and cheeses, but the only problem is it’s expensive. It costs $42.50 and when you order it, it will most likely be given to someone at a different table.

The Ben Roethlisberger Burger – The burger will undoubtedly make you fatter and grow a chinstrap beard. It tastes like you’re eating concrete after you fell off a motorcycle. Not a recommended sandwich.

The Matt Leinhart Black Bean Sandwich – This sandwich is full of beans and so is Matt Leinhart.

The JaMarcus Russell  Roast Beef Sandwich- The picture on the menu makes this sandwich look like it is a top choice sandwich, but once you taste it, you will instantly regret ordering it. An expensive sandwich that tastes exactly like shit.

The Joe Namath Kebab- A great snack after a night or day of binge drinking. This old time favorite also really hits the spot after sexually harassing young women. Order this street meat and win, I guarantee it.

The Eli Manning Turkey Sandwich- Not the best sandwich in the world but can often be the best sandwich on the menu. Sometimes it comes out great but most of the time you can barely take a bite. If the Peyton Manning Ham sandwich is available, it is advisable to order it instead.

The Vince Young Chicken Salad Sandwich- This is a great sandwich when your on the run. If you’re not in a rush or have a normal I.Q. then this sandwich isn’t for you. It is imporant to note that the Vince Young is made from bread then has a tendency to crumble with pressure is applied, so eat it with great care.

The Tim Tebow Club Sandwich- Best sandwich on the planet. You couldn’t fit any more meat in between two pieces of white bread. I’d bet Tebow’s Christian faith that this sandwich will make you praise the lord for creating such a fantastic blend of meat and bread.

The Philly Vick-Steak – A delicious blend of Provolone cheese and lean dog meat.

The Mark Sanchez Breakfast Burrito – You would think this sandwich is authentic mexican food when ordering it, but the meat is actually just good old American Hot Dog mixed with scrambled eggs, because sometimes Sanchez has egg on his face from his rookie mistakes.

The Brett Favre Ham and Cheese – The meat in this sandwich went rotten a long time ago, but people still seem to order it. This is definitely the most polarized sandwich, as people either love it or hate it, but eating it will undoubtedly make you sick eventually.

The Brady Quinn American Cheese Sandwich – All American like Brady Quinn, and all cheese like Brady Quinn. All this guy does is smile for the camera, and like Quinn, the sandwich never gets ordered. Well, Brady loves the sandwich, but no one else seems to.

JaMarcus Russell
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Leaf Me Alone

Ryan Leaf is on the run from the law, but we know where he’s hiding out so we managed to catch up to him for a quick interview. A quick interview that didn’t turn out so well. This is not for the feint of heart…

MyGournal – Knock Knock!
Ryan Leaf – Who the fuck is it, i’ll blow your goddamn brains out.
MyGournal – It’s us Ryan, we’re not here to hurt you.
Ryan Leaf – Oh shit, I thought it was those fuckin’ pigs. Come on in.
MyGournal – Hey Ryan, I thought you were going to turn yourself in?
Ryan Leaf- Yea, I was on my way there, but I had to call an audible.
MG – What do you mean?
RL – What I mean is that IM NOT GOING TO GO TO FUCKING JAIL YOU JACKASSES
MG – Whoa, Ryan calm down.
RL – Sorry, I’m in Hydrocodene withdrawal. What else do you want to know?
MG – Why’d you start taking painkillers?
RL – You have no idea guys, no idea, what it’s like to throw that many interceptions in that short of a career. It’s called Interceptionitis, its a very debilitating problem. Look at Joey Harrington, he can’t even play the piano anymore! Every time he tries, he just ends up passing out. The only reason David Carr has protected himself from Interceptionitis is with his gloves. Dammit, if I had just worn gloves throughout my career.
MG – You mean to say that you’re suffering from a disease caused by the amount of interceptions you threw during your short career?
RL – That’s right. After I quit the game, I went into rehab for 2 years. Everything was going great until my annual NFL draft cookout.
MG – What happened?
RL – I was cooking some hot dogs, some damn good hot dogs at that, then we stopped to play a little two-hand touch. I hadn’t passed a ball since my last game, but I was sure after rehab, I’d be okay. Everything was going well, I had 4 touchdowns in the first half. Then, after the second beer break, I dropped back, and I saw my buddy Jed wide open in the endzone. I lobbed it up perfect to him, but that son of a bitch Steve picked it off. Somebody on the sideline yelled, “You back on the Chargers, Leaf?” and that’s when I lost it. I yelled “Fuck you” to that guy, then kicked over the grill. Unfortunately, it landed on my nephew Randy, and he had 2nd degree burns all over his body.

MG – Wow, that’s horrible.
RL – Yea, it was horrible, but I don’t give a shit. I went home, put on the pads, and listened to jock jams volume 2 for 4 hours. Oh yea, and I was high as shit on Vicodin, so yea, I was rockin’ out.
MG – So you don’t regret the drugs at all?
RL – The only thing I regret is getting caught, and the fact that I’m going to have to kill you for finding out my location.
MG – Ryan, we won’t tell anyone, just take it easy.
RL – This is it, my final revenge on the media. (Pulls out a .44 Magnum) You all attacked me, called me a failure and flop. This time, good ol’ Ryan will be getting the best of you. Here is Ryan Leaf’s countdown of the 10 best shots into your head. 10 BOOM

MG – Holy Shit, what are you doing? You missed us from 5 feet away, and you’re from Texas, you should know how to shoot.

RL – Number 9 won’t be so unlucky…BOOM

MG – Umm…

RL – 8…7…6…5…4…

MG – That was close, put down the gun Ryan we don’t anyone to get hurt.
RL – Get hurt? Don’t count on these three missing…..BANG!

The door crashed open, and none other than Junior Seau came running through the living room.

Junior Seau – I’m comin’ for you Leaf, we traded Eric Metcalf to get you, and you’re gonna fuckin’ pay for that!
Ryan Leaf – Oh shit…

The story ends there. Leaf was tackled so hard, his head fell off. We want to send a big thank you to Junior Seau and to Tim Tebow, who had been doing surveillance for us while we were inside, as extra protection. He called Seau in just enough time, and we are indebted to them for the rest of our lives.